In with the new

Well… I am now employed.

It’s not the ideal job for me but it will have to do for the time being. I am excited in a sense to get back on the ole work horse but not so excited to be heading back to a call centre environment. Oh well, just have to suck it up and make the best of it. Don’t get me wrong I am happy to be employed and it feels good knowing a company wants me for my good looks and talent.(haha)

I am still holding out for the perfect job what ever that may be. I am not sure if there is such a thing as the perfect job, but here’s to hoping it exsist. I guess if I was to break it down, simply all I want is a job that will fulfill me, make me happy, that lets me be me, lets me be creative,  and a job that appreciates me.   I hope it finds me soon as this settling on any old job is not so appealing. I am however  feeling much relief in knowing that I have an income coming in and can actually get back to regular pay cheques. For that I am grateful as well as this new employment opportunity.

Onward and upward I climb to find the happiness in my life. I know it’s out there somewhere we just have to find each other and meet in the middle.

❤ cheers

And let fall begin..or is it winter?!

Fall seems to have arrived in cow town, or is it actually winter? who can really tell these days.

I can’t actually say Calgary has had much of a summer cause it really hasn’t and if I was to say that we actually had a summer then I should be shot. Well not really shot cause that would be all messy and bloody and the person who shot me would go to prison for killing me. All in all not a win win for anyone.

I do love fall though. All the colors come out from there hiding places, the smell of the fresh crisp air and the getting back into that comfy coma we long for after a busy summer. Fall to me is just being at home snug as a bug in a rug watching movies or reading a book with a hot cup of joe or a delish whippy hot chocolate  and just being.

Although it feels like we all have to be cooped up in the toastiness of our homes the past few weeks we still can venture out and enjoy the bits of the fall. Just remember to wear your woolies and scarf!

**cheers**

A good day.

Today I decided to shed my week-long pity party outfit and get out and about.

I saw my son off to school as per usual and ended up having to drive him cause he missed his bus..boy is he lucky I love him enough to drive him to school in my jammies, flip-flops and a winter coat. With my hair all in a fuzz we left in the rain with a new-found sense of something. I stole a peek at him in the car and my heart sighed and I knew that we would be ok.  After I dropped him off at his place of education I boogied home to get ready for my outing.

My plan for today was simple I had to put away my woes and stresses of finding a new job  and just be. Which is easier said than done but as Pat Benatar once said hit me with your best shot..FIRE AWAY!!! this reference is more towards my life than to a man.. but whatever  you just can’t mess with a 80’s rock icon now can you.

I choose Eau Clare market for my place to go. It’s busy at noon and a great place to get a cup of joe and just sit. I am not much of a coffee drinking but on the advice of my life guru this was a must in order to get into the zone of just being.  Sooo with my cup of java and my new notebook and pen that I had just purchased I was ready to just sit and be. I picked a nice table in the middle of the food fair and began the favorite hobby of all time ” people watching”.

Sipping my over sugared bevvie I started to relax and I started to concentrate on the sounds around me rather than the visual aspect. The number one sound was laugher. It’s neat how a man-made sound can instantly put a smile on your face no matter what your mood is. In between listening and watching people’s lunch hour go by, my mind was still racing with all my insecurities I have had this week. My doubts, my fears, the pressure, the wanting something more, the being happy with who I am, the providing for my family and so on. The thoughts were still all there however I was seeing them more positively rather than negatively. I do have a lot. I still have to make lunches, do laundry, make dinner, tidy the house whether I have a job or not. (quote from life guru) Life does go on and just because I am not employed my world that makes me happy doesn’t just stop, it continues to spin and provides me with a sense of accomplishment.

As I sat in the  food fair it kinda reminded me like a town carnival. Instead of carnies waving you on to spend oodles of money on lame toys you have food people tempting you with tasty fatty foods.  I love seeing the colors of the clothes people wear, the smells of  combo number 5 cooking, the smell of coffee, the signs chalked in bright colors to advertise the special of day, the interaction of people, the sounds of footsteps of passer buyers, the excitement of a new purchase and all that jazz. As much activity as there was I felt calm and was able to, at least I think I was able to just BE.

I didn’t end up writing much down today but that is ok. I think I accomplished getting out my funk and feeling somewhat rejuvenated about me.

I owe a HUGE thanks to one of my closest dearest friends for putting some positive thoughts and spins in my little universe. (thanks missy <3)

:0) cheers

Another piece of pity pie please!

Its been a while since I last blogged and not much has happened on the outside but lots has happened on the inside.

I have started the job hunt again and it’s not as easy as I first thought. I thought it would be a walk in the park, a piece of cake but alas it’s not turning out to be so.  My level of confidence is not where it should be and I am feeling like a failure of sorts. I feel panicked to find a job to appease my parents, to appease the bills, to appease myself. I have enjoyed my 4 months off but the thought of going back to work is not so appealing. I would rather eat green bananas all day and deal with the cramps afterwards.

I have to start again. I have to start all over. The thought makes me want to run and hide from all things evil! Then of course reality sets in. I know it has to be done, it must be done. There are no if’s and’s or but’s about it.  Flipping the coin over the exciting part of all this is the new people I will meet, new work to do, new experiences to experience, new laughs to have and new memories to make me smile. So why do I not want this. To be honest I  am content to be at home in my safe little bubble instead getting back out there. My home to me is my safety blanket, nothing can harm me here and all my thoughts and feelings are safe and sound. wow the inner turmoil sucks ass!

I have been applying on-line to different jobs in my field but also to jobs that I would like to try out. Although some I am not qualified for I am applying anyway. Maybe someone will see something special in me and give me a chance. I am hoping this is the case. It seems these days you need a degree which I don’t have, and I don’t have the 1-2 years of experience that is needed for some positions, and strangely enough I find myself okay with not having neither of those qualifications.  I just want a chance to get out there and show my stuff what ever that may be.

I am one big walking contradiction. I want to go back to work for all the right reason, I need to go back for all the obvious reason but I don’t want to. And then if these thoughts weren’t bad enough I start dwelling on what I don’t have. I don’t have the body that I want, I don’t have the money that I want, I don’t have the car or the place on my own that I want and on and on goes my pity party from hell! ARG!!!!

*sigh* I am hoping these feelings pass and I find the path that I am supposed to take however as of right now I am not moving much and I don’t like it.

Cheers :0(