Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat!

The snow is flying and winter she has arrived!

I don’t mind the winter just the cold I seem to be allergic to. Winter is when I just want to huddle in my house and emerge in the spring like a big ol grizzly bear. But instead I get to deal with yahoos on the road, my windshield wipers freezing, my car threatening to stale or not start, the bloody traffic, the shovelling of loads of snow while my back breaks, black ice that is not visible to the naked eye and lets see ..ah yes cold feeties. Other than those few things I like winter!

As soon as the first snow falls you know Christmas is around the corner and you can feel the excitement of the season begin. Actually  the middle of November is when the malls start to get all Christmassy with the decorations and music. I must admit when I do my Christmas shopping walking into that mall or store I cannot help but get sucked in to the whole Christmas season thing. It’s like a giant worm hole that pulls you along for the ride all warpy, merry and bright ! Good times good times.

And then there are the plethora of parties to attend  if you are popular. The  food and drink and pigging out and barfing cause you ate too much and drank too much and then the music and singing and more booze and food and yak!  Ever so much fun! I am one of the lucky ones and don’t have rinse and repeat a lot of Christmas events. Just the normal family gathering with the clan, the friends get together and present swap, the corporate christmas smash and that pretty much wraps it up for me! 

I do enjoy the spending time with my friends and family as  it seems to mean so much more this time a year for some reason. Maybe it’s because we have all made it safely through another year with only a few bumps and bruises along the way and we are more grateful for all that we have. Or it may just be the booze talking. *shrug*

Anyway, I wish  all my lovelies a very merry holiday with your friends and family. Just remember it’s the size of the gift that counts ..oh wait no it’s the thought that counts ..whew!

Cheers :::

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Well said.

I just finished reading this post by an outstanding mom.

She writes about Halloween, costumes,  judgements, idiots, anger, expression,and most of all her little boy.

The post has received over 1 million hits and after reading it I now know why.

The post is called “My son is gay”

When I heard about this post on my local Calgary radio station this morning, the 2 hosts read bits and pieces from the post and I knew I had to check it out. I saw it yesterday on the word press home page but didn’t get a chance to read it. I glanced quickly at  the picture and saw a little kid sitting on a pumpkin  proudly wearing a Halloween costume.

When I read the post first thing when I got in to work before my shift started, I took a closer look at the picture and realized it was a little boy dressed up Daphine from Scooby doo.  The first words that popped in my head was “OMG he is cute, and holy doodles that is one huge pumpkin! ”

As I began to read the post my heart torn as this little guy let his mom know that he was afraid. And like all good moms she turned his frown upside down and told him it will all be ok.

This brought back a memory for me when my little boy was the same age.  My little guy wanted to wear nail polish and wear mascara because his mama did. He would sit on the closed seat of the toilet,  knees curled up to his chin while I put on my make up and asked ” what you doin mama?” I would tell him it’s for mommy to look pretty baby. He just blinked and smiled at me. On this particular evening we were heading out for a Friday dinner with some family members. Dressed in our best and ready to go I hit the bathroom for one last quick check. He stood beside me like my little shadow and asked if he could wear some. I asked him what he was meaning and he pointed to the pink polish and mascara tube on the counter. I said in haste sure. What could it hurt. It’s not like anybody would really care, he is 5 after all. So I propped him up on the bathroom counter painted his fingers a bright hot pink and told him to hold very still like a statue as I put on the mascara. He was tickled when we were all through and he looked in the mirror at himself. With a smile on his face  he boasted “Now we both look pretty mama”. And I replied “Of course we do love!” Scooping him up we headed out on the town. Even though there was no harm in me putting on a little makeup on my little boy I knew someone would say something. And sure a shoot they did. I brushed it off and said we were having fun and he wanted to try it. No harm done.

As the years went on my son developed a LOVE for the color pink. Actually he was obsessed with the color. Everything was pink. Pink this and pink that. It bothered me that he was the only little boy who loved pink. I finally said to him one day its ok to like pink, color with pink and play with pink blocks but boys should really not wear pink. He looked at me at the age of 7 and said ” Well if girls can wear blue why can’t boys wear pink.” DAMIT! he got me. There was no arguing with that kind of logic. From that day on I let him wear pink, love pink and I even embraced the pink way myself. So because I let him wear nail polish, mascara and wear pink did those motherly acts create a gay boy. I don’t think so. And so what if he turned out to be gay, I would love him still and I would not change the experiences we shared.

I guess my point to this post is no matter what we do  for our kids, we have their best interest at heart and we have to let them explore and be themselves no matter what other people may think. This is how they learn and this is how we learn as parents.

This sweet bright little boy knew that he would get bugged and was afraid like all kids his age would be. But his mom stood strong and told him that all would be ok, gave him the boost of confidence he needed and I am sure a little squeeze. In the back of her mind I am sure she knew that some one would say something and she was right. It was other moms who voiced their opinions when they just should have kept their thoughts to themselves. We are taught early on if you don’t have anything  nice to say, then don’t say anything at  all. It’s a shame that moms ABC did not seem to get the memo on this.

It’s sad to think that even at this day in age we still have to deal with all sorts of stereo types and nonsense and just plain stupidity. And then we sit back and wonder why our society is messed up. DUH

Cheers. . .

And let fall begin..or is it winter?!

Fall seems to have arrived in cow town, or is it actually winter? who can really tell these days.

I can’t actually say Calgary has had much of a summer cause it really hasn’t and if I was to say that we actually had a summer then I should be shot. Well not really shot cause that would be all messy and bloody and the person who shot me would go to prison for killing me. All in all not a win win for anyone.

I do love fall though. All the colors come out from there hiding places, the smell of the fresh crisp air and the getting back into that comfy coma we long for after a busy summer. Fall to me is just being at home snug as a bug in a rug watching movies or reading a book with a hot cup of joe or a delish whippy hot chocolate  and just being.

Although it feels like we all have to be cooped up in the toastiness of our homes the past few weeks we still can venture out and enjoy the bits of the fall. Just remember to wear your woolies and scarf!

**cheers**

A good day.

Today I decided to shed my week-long pity party outfit and get out and about.

I saw my son off to school as per usual and ended up having to drive him cause he missed his bus..boy is he lucky I love him enough to drive him to school in my jammies, flip-flops and a winter coat. With my hair all in a fuzz we left in the rain with a new-found sense of something. I stole a peek at him in the car and my heart sighed and I knew that we would be ok.  After I dropped him off at his place of education I boogied home to get ready for my outing.

My plan for today was simple I had to put away my woes and stresses of finding a new job  and just be. Which is easier said than done but as Pat Benatar once said hit me with your best shot..FIRE AWAY!!! this reference is more towards my life than to a man.. but whatever  you just can’t mess with a 80’s rock icon now can you.

I choose Eau Clare market for my place to go. It’s busy at noon and a great place to get a cup of joe and just sit. I am not much of a coffee drinking but on the advice of my life guru this was a must in order to get into the zone of just being.  Sooo with my cup of java and my new notebook and pen that I had just purchased I was ready to just sit and be. I picked a nice table in the middle of the food fair and began the favorite hobby of all time ” people watching”.

Sipping my over sugared bevvie I started to relax and I started to concentrate on the sounds around me rather than the visual aspect. The number one sound was laugher. It’s neat how a man-made sound can instantly put a smile on your face no matter what your mood is. In between listening and watching people’s lunch hour go by, my mind was still racing with all my insecurities I have had this week. My doubts, my fears, the pressure, the wanting something more, the being happy with who I am, the providing for my family and so on. The thoughts were still all there however I was seeing them more positively rather than negatively. I do have a lot. I still have to make lunches, do laundry, make dinner, tidy the house whether I have a job or not. (quote from life guru) Life does go on and just because I am not employed my world that makes me happy doesn’t just stop, it continues to spin and provides me with a sense of accomplishment.

As I sat in the  food fair it kinda reminded me like a town carnival. Instead of carnies waving you on to spend oodles of money on lame toys you have food people tempting you with tasty fatty foods.  I love seeing the colors of the clothes people wear, the smells of  combo number 5 cooking, the smell of coffee, the signs chalked in bright colors to advertise the special of day, the interaction of people, the sounds of footsteps of passer buyers, the excitement of a new purchase and all that jazz. As much activity as there was I felt calm and was able to, at least I think I was able to just BE.

I didn’t end up writing much down today but that is ok. I think I accomplished getting out my funk and feeling somewhat rejuvenated about me.

I owe a HUGE thanks to one of my closest dearest friends for putting some positive thoughts and spins in my little universe. (thanks missy <3)

:0) cheers

Another piece of pity pie please!

Its been a while since I last blogged and not much has happened on the outside but lots has happened on the inside.

I have started the job hunt again and it’s not as easy as I first thought. I thought it would be a walk in the park, a piece of cake but alas it’s not turning out to be so.  My level of confidence is not where it should be and I am feeling like a failure of sorts. I feel panicked to find a job to appease my parents, to appease the bills, to appease myself. I have enjoyed my 4 months off but the thought of going back to work is not so appealing. I would rather eat green bananas all day and deal with the cramps afterwards.

I have to start again. I have to start all over. The thought makes me want to run and hide from all things evil! Then of course reality sets in. I know it has to be done, it must be done. There are no if’s and’s or but’s about it.  Flipping the coin over the exciting part of all this is the new people I will meet, new work to do, new experiences to experience, new laughs to have and new memories to make me smile. So why do I not want this. To be honest I  am content to be at home in my safe little bubble instead getting back out there. My home to me is my safety blanket, nothing can harm me here and all my thoughts and feelings are safe and sound. wow the inner turmoil sucks ass!

I have been applying on-line to different jobs in my field but also to jobs that I would like to try out. Although some I am not qualified for I am applying anyway. Maybe someone will see something special in me and give me a chance. I am hoping this is the case. It seems these days you need a degree which I don’t have, and I don’t have the 1-2 years of experience that is needed for some positions, and strangely enough I find myself okay with not having neither of those qualifications.  I just want a chance to get out there and show my stuff what ever that may be.

I am one big walking contradiction. I want to go back to work for all the right reason, I need to go back for all the obvious reason but I don’t want to. And then if these thoughts weren’t bad enough I start dwelling on what I don’t have. I don’t have the body that I want, I don’t have the money that I want, I don’t have the car or the place on my own that I want and on and on goes my pity party from hell! ARG!!!!

*sigh* I am hoping these feelings pass and I find the path that I am supposed to take however as of right now I am not moving much and I don’t like it.

Cheers :0(